Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
