please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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