I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
