Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
