John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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