I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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