And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
