Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
