Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
