We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
