Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
