he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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