I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
