That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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