Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
it's like iHOP with fire
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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