i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
