So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
