I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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