This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
