just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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