yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
