what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
