The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
