Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
