More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
