Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
