Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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