It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
