So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
