after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
