let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
