Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
