in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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