then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
