it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
