woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
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