i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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