I am in a vortex of obligation.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize