Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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