my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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