i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
