ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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