I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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