At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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