Kiss
Puke
Don't make out with my wife yet
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
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