The maid of honor just puked.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You don't make any sense
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