The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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