I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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