just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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