my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
