matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
