I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize