Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
