too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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