His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
