I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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