I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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