So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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