Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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