those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize