I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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