we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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