do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
