Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
