I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Ketchup is God's man juice
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The beers last night were like the tears from god
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
