Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
