She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
